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| Spring 2003 | |
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The facts are simple: interfaith families have become part of the rich tapestry of the Jewish community. Children of intermarried parents are in our classrooms, and we need to welcome them and make them full members of our community. The numbers alone show us why: there are about a million intermarried Jewish households; 50% of children born to Jewish families in the last decade have been born to interfaith parents. Our job is to help them make Jewish choices and create Jewish families.
I believe that Jewish education is about creating Jewish memories. Paradoxically, many in-faith families are at the same disadvantage as their interfaith neighbors—they have too few Jewish childhood memories to carry with them into adulthood. Yet we presume that in-faith families carry these memories and can re-create them for their own children, while presuming that interfaith families do not. Looked at through this lens our job becomes easier: we should try to assist all families in shaping those memories, by helping to develop positive, worthwhile Jewish experiences. Below are three ways to involve interfaith parents in their child's religious school experience:
1. Be sensitive to all the parents in your classroom when inviting them to share early Jewish memories. They might not have any (perhaps because of intermarriage, or perhaps because of a non-religious upbringing.) Instead, invite them to imagine a memory that they would like to create for their children, and help them model it; for example, a bedtime family ritual such as saying the Sh'ma together and singing a Jewish lullaby.
2. Invite non-Jewish parents to help as you plan school celebrations. Parents of young children often take a great interest in their child's education, and Jewish holiday celebrations are the primary portal through which young families access Judaism. In interfaith families, it is often the non-Jewish parent who takes a more active role in the Jewish religious education and spiritual development of the children. But they need your support to do so, and in return, they will strongly support you. Be sensitive when asking if non-Jewish parents want guidance in observing the holidays. Offer more than just reference books; offer your time as well.
3. In-faith or intermarried status is no longer a definitive indicator of Jewish experience and knowledge. Interfaith families don't focus on their "status" when working with their children, and neither should you. Use other indicators, and amiable communication, to determine where on the continuum of Jewish life each family finds itself. For example, does the family eat Shabbat dinner together? Do they involve the children in Passover seder preparations? Have they been to a Purim carnival? Then help ease them along that continuum.
When we reach out, welcome, and nurture all families, we can help all children establish a Jewish identity. It takes fortitude and understanding on the part of Jewish educators. And the results are remarkable—a community of involved and committed families.
Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky is Executive Director of the Jewish Outreach Institute in New York City.
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