If nonverbal communication is so powerful, why can't my husband read my mind?
Why can't the people around me anticipate what I need or what I want to do next? Why can't they be more like the birds I see, moving in such lovely near-unison across the sky, even when they change direction suddenly? I love to see flocks of birds moving together, seemingly choreographed. They must be marvels of intuition, sensing what their flock mates are going to need to do next.
Well, not exactly.
According to zoologist Wayne Potts, who first explained the phenomoenon and wrote about it in a 1984 article in Nature, birds anticipate changes in the flock's direction by seeing small changes in direction coming their way. He called it the 'chorus line effect'. The birds are not intuiting. They are observing actual, if minute, changes other birds are making in real time.
Hmm--not a model that will work for me.
Ok, so what about humans' much lauded ability to communicate nonverbally? We are said to signal to one another through body language, facial expression, tone of voice. This is often cited as the reason civil discourse is impeded by the use of email and other electronic forms of communication--critical nonverbal information is left out. Some studies suggest that as much as 94% of our communication comes nonverbally. Even our dogs are said to understand us through our movements and expressions.
So if that's the case, why do people still get each other wrong so often? Clearly there is a lot going on in that last 6%. After all, scientists have figured out that 99% of mouse genes have analogues in the human genome--just a 1% change in our genes and we, too, could be lab rats.
So what hope have I in being understood?
Franz Rosenzweig wrote about speech as a guide to existential thinking. He called it 'speech thinking.' Essentially, we cannot know what we think or believe until we are able to articulate it through speech. Rosenzweig considered speaking from one's depth as a type of revelation.
Perhaps knowing what we want has the same dynamic.Perhaps I need to ask for what I need because first I must be able to articulate it for myself. In putting my needs and desires into language, I reveal them first to myself. Only then can I expect to communicate them to someone else, and be understood.
#blogElul is the brainchild of Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, aka Ima on the Bima. The Jewish month of Elul, which precedes the High Holy Days, is traditionally a time of renewal and reflection. It offers a chance for spiritual preparation for the Days of Awe. It is traditional to begin one’s preparation for the High Holy Days during this month with the Selichot, the prayers of forgiveness. We look to begin the year with a clean slate, starting anew, refreshed.
All month, along with Rabbi Sommer and others, I'll be blogging a thought or two for each day to help with the month of preparation. Follow Rabbi Sommer on twitter @imabima for all the #BlogElul posts. You can follow me on twitter @Vicki_Weber. If you decide to blog yourself, check out the list of daily topics and jump in! Be sure to tag your posts on Twitter and Facebook so they can be included on the stream.
